A Letter to the Bullied Daughter

Through the years, I have done work to heal my inner wounding.  The wounds that I have carried are not that different from the wounds that other women carry.  These wounds have been there since they were little girls. These wounds were often inflicted by the woman they were told was supposed to love them the most – our mother.

I know as moms we feel like we are blamed for everything but hear me out. We are often the culprit for much of our daughters’ wounds. We become their first bully. Whether knowingly or through unawareness we violate our daughters, and these wounds go deep and can last a lifetime.

The wounds can come from small “harmless” comments about how our daughters look, their weight, comparing them to others, and judging their interests, habits, and hobbies.  Some offenses can be much more offensive like shaming, embarrassing, or humiliating your daughter in public.  Many moms will take out their frustration caused by another on their daughters.  Often, we feel justified because “that is what my mom did, so I will do the same”. 

The truth is that wounded humans wound humans. We all need healing, and acknowledging the wound is the first step to healing them.  The following letter is for every daughter who holds wounding and is ready to heal.

To my beautiful daughter,

I first want to tell you that even though my behavior at times did not look like love, I love you.

I am sorry for all of the pain I have caused you.  Your wounds run deep, and I am to blame.  I will not make excuses for how I manipulated, shamed, and hurt you.  I often repeatedly wounded you, and rarely did I acknowledge my wrongdoing. I behaved from my own wounds and was too weak and blind to see what I was doing, and many times I was acting from my own place of pain, survival, and fear.

Today I admit all of my wrongdoings.  I want to acknowledge your bravery, beauty, strength, and uniqueness. You are the only you, and you are amazing at being you.  I am sorry for all the times I made you feel like you were not enough or not worthy. 

Please forgive me.  This may sound selfish on my part, but truly, when we forgive another, it is more for our own inner peace, health, and freedom. Forgive me for YOU, not for me.

Lastly, thank you.  Being a mother is the greatest gift there is, and you gave me that gift. I am grateful for the opportunity to watch you grow and blossom into the Divine Human Being that you are. Be your amazing self and walk with your head held high, knowing that you are the only one who can be fully YOU!

I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.

 With love and gratitude,

Mom