The Most Important Relationship of My Life

My personal share about my most important relationship…

I have been serving as a mentor for a 9-month circle for the Warrior Goddess movement. This is a recent, vulnerable share that I wrote.

“August Mentor Share - I'll be honest, this post has been a struggle. I was "supposed to" post this at the beginning of the month and here it is August 31st...but I see why now!

The theme of our posts this month was messiness, we all have it, so why not name it? I was initially going to post about the messiness of my divorce over ten years ago, but since doing some self reflection I've decided to post about the messiest relationship that I've had in my lifetime. That relationship is the one that I have with myself.

I've come to a place where I realize that struggles in relationships almost always resulted from me not showing up and speaking up for myself. I often settled so not to make waves. I would neglect myself over and over again until the time came for me to explode and that is when it really gets ugly!

Then there were times that I would fall into self-hatred and speak horribly to the person in the mirror. I would self-sabotage, and criticize her. She never deserved any of that.

That inner self-loath and judgement kept me in fear and self destructive habits (over eating, sabotaging my own dreams, you name it - I probably did it.). Most recently, I have seen where it has sabotaged my ability to move forward with some of my own bigger dreams. However, I have learned the practice of self-forgiveness and baby steps (wash, rinse, repeat).

Through Warrior Goddess practices, I now find that I am able to stand up and brush the dust off much more easily than before. I have connected with my inner child, and have come to realize that a positive relationship with myself is most important. I will be everywhere I go, and if I cannot like myself, care for myself, stand up for myself, hug myself, cherish myself - not for what I have accomplished, but just for being the Divine existence that I am, no one else will.

Over and over, I am learning to go deeper in this relationship with me. I recommit to me everyday, and sometimes several times a day. It can still get messy, but it's a practice...just like showering, doing dishes, or laundry (wash, rinse, repeat).

At the beginning of this 9 month journey my intent was to love myself fiercely. I set that intent not remembering that when you set intentions like that - life shows up and challenges us! Nonetheless, I am grateful for the lessons, and going deeper in this relationship with myself. I am also grateful to be supported by all of you on this journey!”